In Hindsight: A heavy issue that’s been weighing on my mind, Feb. 24, 2011


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Some of the goodies that Woodstocks offers…

A heavy issue that’s been weighing on my mind
People may forget the name of the cute bridesmaid/groomsman, the color scheme, the food (well, maybe not the food), but everyone takes note of this. Countless hours are spent worrying over it, lives are changed by the desire to get rid of it; whole classes are devoted to that purpose. Sometimes, it is obliquely referenced by, “How did the bride look?”

But what they really want to know is: “Was the bride fat?”

Do not lie to yourselves. Oh, you may laugh it off with a careless, “The bride always looks beautiful!” but privately, at some point while thumbing through wedding pictures, you have breathed, “Whoa.”

I know; I have been privy to more than a few discussions about “sausage arms” and “back fat rolls.” Complain all you want about the unhealthy body images magazines and media promote; they couldn’t survive without the insidious, tacit approval of gossip.

Which is why when my sister said my back looked “spongy,” I began to question whether walking quickly to the bathroom while at work qualifies as an exercise regime. However, it really hit home when we couldn’t get the zipper up on the dress.

Well. A change was in order. My man and I had a talk so serious it included words like “portion control” and “crunches.” Plans were made. Strategies created.

And then Monday came along.

The day started off fairly well. I had a bowl of cereal and fruit for breakfast. I had soup and more fruit for lunch. I even cut out an article called “The Quickie Workout.” But I worked later than I thought, and got out way past dinnertime. I was no match for my man’s suggestion of, “Let’s go to Woodstocks.”

I gamely but feebly tried to put up a defense. I suggested we get salad. But how could I say no to cheese and carbs, the basic building blocks of everything good in life? I drove us there.

Once inside, I still foolishly thought I could do this “healthy.” I will just have a slice of cheese pizza, I thought. But then I noticed the deal of the day: a pizza pie with more than one topping comes with a free medium cheese pizza. And faster than you can say “calamitous descent into lack of self-control” we found ourselves with two extra-large pizzas — the Pesto Primavera and the Garlic Birdie (Woodstocks has an even better late night deal).

Well. There’s always tomorrow.

Jammie Karlman is the entertainment editor for the Chico Enterprise-Record. Contact her at Follow her on Twitter @JammieKarlman

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4 Responses to In Hindsight: A heavy issue that’s been weighing on my mind, Feb. 24, 2011

  1. Big Momma says:

    yeah, I’ve had this CD I found in a box of cereal – “10 Minute Special K Ab Workout” – sitting on my desk next to the computer for, oh, I don’t know – six months? Still has the celophane wrapper on it.

    I think exercise is the key – I was doing fairly well riding my bike every day, until this last week or so of rain – yesterday, I walked past a mirror, and I thought somebody was following me – no, it was my own rear end.

    Yes, there’s always tomorrow!

    Alternative thought – in the old days, a fat wife was a sign of wealth!

  2. LOL about the fat wife! Now I know what to say to people who comment on marriage girth. 🙂

    I, too, believe in the merits of exercise. But it’s just so hard to get my own rear end to get up and do it. 🙂

  3. Bong Kakadian says:

    MAN this post makes me hungry. Do you know any good Filipino/Armenian places in Chico?

  4. Bong, if I knew the answer to this question, I’d be a rich, rich woman

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