What my hand looks like now, a year later. That darkish spot is where my mole/tattoo used to be.
Better safe than sorry, I guess
By Jammie Salagubang – Buzz Editor
As of this date, I have exactly one month until I get married. And I’m going to have “crazy hand” at the wedding.
Let me explain: Back when I was a naive and clumsy 15-year-old, I accidentally stabbed the back of my hand with a leaky blue pen. I decided to let it heal over without cleaning out the ink so it could become my “tattoo.” However, I later repented of this decision and thought I could maybe “squeeze” out the ink, but this resulted in much pain and an even bigger dot under my skin.
I decided to leave well enough alone, and mostly forgot about it over the years. It did draw attention sometimes, but that just gave me an opportunity to tell the story of my “tattoo.”
However, it apparently grew large and weird-enough looking that small children would come over, grab my hand and press the spot with their chubby fingers. I realized something might be amiss.
The biggest clue: My gynecologist saw it and said, “Get that looked at. NOW.”
I dutifully made the appointment and went this week. I sat in my paper gown, rather calm, until I heard the dermatologist say, “We’re going to remove this one.”
I started feeling a bit nervous, but surely she didn’t mean that would happen today? Wasn’t this just a skin check?
But latex gloves were being snapped on, gauze pads and (ack) needles brought out. And then horror of horrors, she said, “We’re going to punch this out.”
“Wait, what? What are you thinking of? What punching? What? What does that even mean? Like punch through my hand –?punch?”
At least, that’s what I wanted to say. But what came out was “eep.”
I turned my head away, but of course, looked back at the worst possible moment, in time to see a bloody, flesh crater in my hand. It looked like they had taken a melon-baller to it. I started concentrating on my breathing.
I didn’t look at my hand again until it was stitched up, but while there was no longer a hole, my hand looked like something Frankenstein might be proud to own.
I am now on the hunt for very pretty Band-Aids.
Jammie Karlman is the entertainment editor for the Chico Enterprise-Record. Contact her at email@example.com. Follow her on Twitter @JammieKarlman