“I don’t like spiders and snakes, and that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool.”
Jim Stafford, Comedian, musician and singer-songwriter
Maggie, my 9th grader, screamed louder than a jet engine. Hun, my wife, shrieked “Get it out of there!”
Good thing the patio door was open or they …
We stood on the bleachers, eight of us squinting. I was one of the eight, a volunteer ”timer” for Maggie’s track meet. I was more stressed out than the athletes. The officials assigned us stopwatches. I got timer #7 thinking that I’d time Lane #7. Nope. I was to track runners …
“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
Reggie Leach, Philadelphia Flyers 1974-1982
Hey folks, I’ve been tied up with other writing projects but have these stories in development for Etc. Guy:
Adopting Old Men
The Guy Who Never Throws Stuff Away
School Fundraising Lasts Longer than School
(Hockey Player Magazine, January 2015)
We lumbered inside the locker-room and grimaced as hockey bags slid down our shoulders. I hadn’t seen my Blazer teammates for over a month. Inside the guys slouched like dough-boys, suffering from extended tryptophan hangovers. None admitted to exercising over the holiday break. Crazy Eddie maintained …
Don’t call the Sierra Club. The wood we chop isn’t for building or heating. We are Christmas tree hunters—amateur lumberjacks that thin the forest one tree at a time. The permit costs $10 but getting lost is free.
Christmas is a week out and I’m in the same state of mind as I was 365 days ago. Hurried, disheveled and trying to jam fifteen minute errands into eight. We need a mega-blizzard in my fair town to slow things down, or at least slow down everyone else.
“If you think about a Thanksgiving Dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” Ina Garten, Host of Barefoot Contessa, Food Network
It’s not the minutes that put on weight, it’s the seconds.
I’m unsure who said that but whoever said it was right. Hardly three weeks have passed since my final …
(Hockey Player Magazine, October 2014)
The five of us frowned as we tied our skates. We were down two players and knew the next 45 minutes would test our lungs and legs.
“Where’s Blaze?” Swifty asked.
“At a Raider game,” I answered.
“Good excuse. Better than when Chuck got lost hunting or when Lefty …
(Originally appeared in the Chico Enterprise-Record in Nov 2012)
“Humility is tricky. Once you think you have it, you’ve lost it.”
Etc. Guy, aka Eric Miller (confused dad)
I’m not politically astute -blinded by irreverence—and have the knack of saying the wrong thing at precisely the wrong time to the right people. I’ll …
“Marketing is really just about sharing your passion.”
Michael Hyatt, author of Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World
Hey folks, if you’re facing a slow TV night, want to dodge yard work, or if you lose a bet, come visit me in the coming weeks. I’ll be bouncing around Northern California …