From outside the box

Eating protein to get protein is as ridiculous as eating hair to grow hair. Protein is made up of amino acids. There are 20 different amino acids in the food we eat. 9 of them cannot be produced by the body and must come from a food source. The best food source for these essential amino acids are grains, legumes, and vegetables. Meat is a very poor source for amino acids. The amino acids in grains, legumes, and vegetables are instantly available to start building into proteins. When you eat meat, the body must first break down the protien into amino acids to make them available for re-assumption as protein. You end up with more saturated fats and other non usable garbage than you do with protein. By going via the garden variety to get your protein, you not only get more protein per pound of food eaten, you also get more of the minerals your body needs and less of the fats.
Although I believe whole heartedly in a vegetarian diet, I have never been one to preach it. I learned a long time ago that people can be very sensitive about the idea of giving up their cadaver based diets. You can challenge their religion, their politics, their bad habits, anything except their meat consumption! So if eating meat is so right for most people, then why do we have to practice so much denial about what we are really doing! That's right, denial. Most of us could never kill what we eat. We don't even want to know what animals go thru from birth to their final moments of life at the slaughter house. Why do you think that slaughter houses are as hard to get into as a top secret military base? I'm not going to go into graphic details about this stuff, the information is out there.

Denial is an amazing thing. We so readily buy into the protein lie because it's what we want to hear, and why let a little thing like facts get in the way of our beliefs? I saw a fellow with a sign the other day that showed an aborted baby along with some anti abortion message. That's great! Lets get real about all of our denials. We should know what abortion looks like. We should also know what a terrified pig looks like that is getting his throat pierced as he is hoisted by his hind legs, screaming on his way to the carving room (sorry, I went into a graphic detail). We should know the sight of 40 caskets being unloaded from a military plane. Teenagers in drivers ed should be taken at least once to an automobile accident scene before they clean up the gory after mess caused by a drunk driver. Maybe if we were more honest with ourselves about the reality of things, we would make better choices.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. I'm not sure but I think it is a national holiday, or at least, it seems like a national holiday. There's no traffic, the mall is empty, stores are empty, coffee shops are empty, it's a great day to pillage and plunder. But usually I go see a good movie because real men don't go to movies on Super Bowl Sunday. Yes, it's true, I'm not a real man. I can't be a real man because I was not born with the "sport gene". Don't get me wrong, I think sports are a great way to get exercise and promote healthy competition, I just don't understand why mature adults get so worked up, especially during football games, over who's got the damn pig skin and what their doing with it. And if you live in Chico, why would you give a rats behind about who wins a game between the New York Rodents and the Boston Terriers?

A typical exchange in my gym locker room between myself and some guy dressing out next to me....

"So, who do you thinks gonna win the game tomorrow?"

"What game is that?", I ask.

"The Super Bowl!", he says wondering what planet I come from.

"I don't know, who's playing?" I ask. At this point he thinks I'm kidding. But the funny part is, I really don't know.

As he stares at me in total disgust I say, "I don't much care for Super Bowl, I'll probably go see a chick flick or something." About this time, six other guys have overheard our conversation and quickly rush over to where I'm sitting and beat the hell out of me. And rightly so. But seriously....who's playing?

The word is out. One of the best kept secrets in modern times has been uncovered and revealed by the far right wing community of Christian intellectuals. Obama is the anti-Christ! It's just not fair that you can't keep anything from these people. They got that gosh darn bible that tells them everything. We Satan worshippers on the left had hoped to keep this secret long enough for our leader Beelzebub to open the gates of hell and along with his minions (us liberals) wreak his havoc, until the followers of, you know, that other guy, exposed our game plan. And it was such a perfect plan! Perfect that is until a few very keen observers read between the lines in their scriptures and discovered that their savior had warned them of the anti Christ who would be known as Ob-ah-ma, the lightning from the sky. Let me explain....

In the new testament, the book of Testicles, Ali versus Foreman, chapters 6-7, round 8, it is written...."And when the dark angel returns, he will be known as the lightning from the sky".....and of course everybody knows that in ancient Hebrew script the translation of "lightning from the sky" is pronounced as Ob-ah-ma, or "the anointed one". We never thought they would really figure this out, but since they have, I may as well go ahead and tell you what our devious plan was.

The plan was actually to have been carried out in five parts.
1. Socialize health care
2. Indoctrinate our youth
3. End the "just" wars
4. Sell the lie of global warming
5. End Christianity

Socializing health care would of course been only the beginning. We thought we could fool the intelligent right wing Christian patriots into believing that all we wanted to do was to create another choice for health insurance, an option (thought they'd fall for that word), which of course would have to have been funded and operated by, that's right....the government. We knew you would not take kindly to having a bureaucrat make your health care decisions for you, because damn it, that should be between you and your doctor. So we tried to fool you by saying that the system was broken and that we needed to take obscene profits out of the equation, but you smarty pants right wingers saw right through that scheme. We thought we could pass a lie off as 'common sense'. We thought we could make government bigger and more intrusive than ever, and you'd never see it coming until it was too late. Oh sure, we always knew that tort reform was the answer, but tort reform does NOTHING to increase the size of government so why would we go along with that? Plus, we needed the lawyers to carry out our plan.

Next we planned to indoctrinate our youth, a perfect place to plant the seeds of socialism. We had the teachers union on board (a very loyal group of socialist Satanist's I might add). The plan there was to get our children to see Obama as the modern day savior that he is. Hell, we even had prayers and songs all written in His honor.

The next part of the plan was to wind down the two wars George Bush had so righteously gotten us into. My gosh, don't you think we know that it's better to fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here? For God sake, they want to kill your family! Problem is, fighting them over there tends to stop them in their tracks and stopping terrorism is not in Beelzebub's, or any true liberal for that matter, best interest. So, how did we plan to stop the wars so that the terrorist's could regroup and live to terrorize us another day? We had to disarm the military. Our plan to do this was simple....allow gays to openly serve. Beezle, I mean Obama, knew that once all of the straight soldiers could no longer trust another soldier to "cover his back", they would quit signing up for the military. With a weakened military, terrorism could flourish around the world!

Once terrorist's had become more entrenched and emboldened it would only be a matter of time until they got their hands on a nuclear weapon or a "dirty bomb". Why would we want such a thing to happen? Do you really have to ask? If a large city in America got nuked, the destruction would be so horrendous that it would surely unite the whole world into a new age of peace agreements and eventually, complete nuclear disarmament. Imagine all of mankind holding hands and singing Kumbaya as we eagerly move on to the next step of establishing "New World Order" and then, eventually, getting rid of all hand guns. Beezlebub doesn't like resistance and he surely doesn't like guns!

Global warming was to be our next step. Although the seeds had been planted over 20 years ago, we decided to speed things up with loyal Satanist Al Gore. The funny part about all of this is that Al wasn't even a scientist, but he had a shloshy way of talking that sounded so sincere that we figured the right would buy right into the lie. We promised Al riches beyond his wildest dreams if he would just make us all believe that global warming was really happening. Once the world got on board we figured we would have a blank check, a mandate if you will, to get the doubters to go along with our liberal agenda. Problem was, Al used "facts" to sell global warming and we all know what the right wingers do with "facts". They turn them into dirty lies! Damn their good.

With Acorn, the ACLU, activist judges, and Oprah all on board, we figured we could then begin the final phase of handing all power over to the anointed one. At first, we would allow the churches to maintain the illusion of free speech and religious diversity as we ever so slyly went about disemboweling them. It was to start by making it mandatory to have a picture of Obama on the alters, next to, you know, that other guy. Next we make it mandatory that all preachers must be gay, all women that get pregnant must have an abortion, and all old people must be put to death. The final blow happens when we outlaw eating meat and praying. That's right, in order to be a practicing Christian, you would have had to be a vegetarian. Eat meat and don't pray or pray but don't eat meat, you pick one, can't do both. We knew that if Christians had to choose, they would give up their religion before they would their meat. This would have been the beginning of the end, or the end of a new beginning, or the beginning of a new ending, or the age of Aquarius, I don't know, I never got the proper vernacular down for that. At any rate, hippies would have been passing out joints as Ronald Reagan and Oral Roberts looked down in disgust at the site of their brigades of followers marching to the rhythms of U2 and the annoying rants of Depok Chopra as they guided them straight into the bowels of hell! We even had Oprah agreeing to teach them proper eating habits as well as assign reading material that would help to indoctrinate them as they so unwittingly turned a blind eye to their own savior and looked to the anointed one for guidance and enlightenment.

It would have been nice. But now, the game is over. Our lies have been exposed. Why Jesus, why did you have to warn them? Gosh darn ya Jesus, gosh darn ya (I'm shaking my hand towards the ceiling). Now I suppose their gonna go and get some right wing intellectual genius like Sarah Palin or that nude model guy, Scott Brown, to take out Obama in the next election. I can't say as I blame them. After all, we did try to destroy everything decent that they stand for....insurance company profits and the sanctity of marriage. You may have beaten us this time Jesus, but we'll be back, we will be back. Gosh darn ya, gosh darn ya.

There is a dirty little lie that has been sold to the American public for years as a truth. The fact that this so called 'fact' is a lie has been one of the best kept secrets among the hierarchy of political leaders, policy makers, campaign strategist's, most politicians, corporate executives, religious leaders, and the whole media including the right and left wing blabber mouths.

These are all the people that most of us listen to and based on much of what they say and do, many of us form our political beliefs, religious beliefs, philosophy's, moralities, and ideologies. And they know that. That is why they find it necessary to propagate the lie that most of us are intelligent, rational, critical thinkers who are quite capable of understanding fact from fiction. To say anything otherwise would be in defiance of political correctness. But there is a giant elephant in the room and somebody needs to expose that bugger! Here is the plain and simple truth....We are not as smart as they want us to believe we are. But then again, neither are they.

When you are being told what to believe, or somebody is trying to convince you of something, that person must convince you that you are smart enough to figure this thing out for yourself. That way, when you come around to adopting their belief as your own, you will think that you figured this thing out for yourself, because after all, you are smart. But sometimes we may be so smart, we fool our selves.

Tell me this. If we are all so smart, why have we over populated and over polluted our planet to the point that we stand on the brink of self destruction? Why do we have enough nuclear bombs to blow the world up several times over, and why doesn't anybody ever talk about this anymore? Why is half the world starving to death while in this country we pay farmers not to grow food? Why do we have a national debt of 12 trillion dollars? Why have we allowed corporate interest to have more clout with our leaders and policy makers than "we the people" who they were elected to serve? Why do we treat movie and sports stars as true heroes? Why do we have no problem turning a blind eye to the torture and animal abuse that goes on in order that we can have fresh meat on our plates? Why do we tell our children that fairly tales are not real while building whole religions around them, creating fairly tales and myths that we are ready to defend to the death? Why is 1% of our population in jail? Why do we think our skin color is better than another skin color? Why do we need so many guns? Why are there so many different religions all preaching to know the truth?

Why? Perhaps we're not as smart as we think we are. Maybe smart isn't even the right word here. Maybe wisdom or self awareness are the words I'm looking for. When it comes to technology, we are smart. When it come to understanding freedom and what it takes to hold onto freedom, we are not so smart.

To be truly free, we must first want to be truly free. Most of us equate freedom to the rights that are guaranteed us by the constitution. But having those rights does not give us freedom any more than education gives us intelligence. It takes intelligence to get the most out of education just as it takes free thinking to get the most out of our rights to freedom. And that's my point here....we are not a free thinking society. We want to be told what to do, what to believe, and how to behave. We want guidelines, we want rules, we want interpreters, we want everything to be shown to us by somebody else and then be pointed into the right direction. The dirty little secret that we hide from ourselves is the fact that we are not ready to be truly free and we do not want to be truly free.

True freedom requires a level of responsibility that does not exist within the psyche of the human race, but I think we are slowly evolving in that direction. If we were ready to take on the responsibility required for true freedom our whole societal structure would be completely different than it is now. We would not have people telling us what is right and wrong like so many radio personalities, politicians, and religious leaders try to do because we would not need them. Our moral compass would come from within ourselves, not from the likes of Pat Robertson. Rather than preachers we would have motivators and counselors. Motivators and counselors do not interpret the truth, they help you to realize your truth. Commercial advertising would be different....an ad would only exist to inform you, never to try to fool you or talk you into anything. There would be no prejudice because freedom and prejudice cannot co-exist. In fact, if we were ready for true freedom, there would be no locks, no jails, no money, and no laws at all. True freedom is beyond our comprehension because we have not yet evolved as a species to accept that kind of responsibility. So where does it start? Being aware when we are being manipulated is a good start.

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog about the mid east and how our kind of democracy will not work over there at this point in time because those people do not want freedom. Sure, they want basic human rights, but they do not want freedom as we know it in the west. Why? Because freedom is not structured into their religious beliefs and therefore the two cannot co-exist and if they have to choose one, they are going to choose their religion. At the risk of being politically incorrect again, I have to say that the overall consciousness in the mid east is not as evolved as the consciousness of western countries. The proof of this is in the way that they treat their women and their intolerance towards any who do not subscribe to their religious beliefs. But on the other hand, I can also say that the seeds have been planted and the mid east is going to evolve. Perhaps later in this century some of those countries will be ready for our brand of democracy. In the west we have evolved from many of the prejudices and intolerance's still practiced in the mid east. That's why we enjoy a freer society than they do. But in reality, are we really that different? A little more evolved perhaps, but still, a long way to go.

If we allow corporations more power in choosing our leaders, if we continue to listen to religious and political blabber mouths tell us what the truth is, if we do not accept full responsibility for who we are, what we do, how we think, and what we believe, we will continue to loose, rather than to gain freedom. We need to get smarter. We are as free as we are ready to be. We are as free as we choose to be. We are as free as we deserve to be.

Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that unions and corporations can spend as much as they want to on campaign advertising. This is the most irresponsible decision the Supreme Court has made, at least in my life time. Democracy as we have known it is about to change and not for the better.

Corporations typically support republican candidates. Yes, they give to democrats as well, but it is the republicans who benefit the most from their contributions and therefore it is the republicans who pass most of the legislation that benefits corporate interest, just as it is usually the republicans who block legislation that is not in the interest of corporations. It is true that unions back democrats, however, unions pockets do run nearly as deep as corporate pockets.

It is not too difficult to see the ramifications of what this could mean to a democratic government that is supposed to be run by the people and for the people. In fact, no other democracy in the world allows corporations to spend on campaigns without limits. One might argue that this will be OK as long as there is full disclosure of where the money came from that funds an ad. Oh yea? And how long do you think there will be disclosure? Once the corporations own every member of congress as well as the president, you don't think they will change this? The potential for problems here are unlimited. What about corporations that are owned primarily by foreign interest? Do we want them having this kind of influence over our leaders?

The biggest expense in any campaign is television and radio advertising. So you get a candidate who has 50 million to spend on advertising but maybe his platform is not in the best interest of some corporations. So a few of them get together and decide to spend 500 million to defeat him. That means there will be ten times as many adds playing against him than there are playing for him. You don't see a problem here? Soon working folks will quit sending their hard earned money to support candidates because collectively, and even with the help of unions, they will never be able to compete with large corporations who have unlimited funds.

What the Supreme Court has done is essentially given the corporations a way to ensure that no candidate will ever win office that is not working for them, and that should scare the hell out of EVERY working and middle class American, regardless of party. This very well could be the beginning of the end of democracy.

I saw an interesting short last night on KHSL news (our local news channel in Chico) which showed a video of a group of young boys/men tubing down Chico Creek in the middle of the largest storm of the year when the currants were swift and high. The anchor man said it was dangerous and warned that nobody should do this while also mentioning that it looked like fun and that it made for good video. They ran it again on this mornings news show. I wonder if they considered that they might be planting ideas into the heads of young idiots who may not have known if it was possible to tube down Chico Creek in the winter time? People die doing this sort of thing.

If "good video" is so important to KHSL, I have an idea that they should seriously consider. They could sponsor and coordinate some new events that not only would make for "good video", but would be a lot of fun as well. Just to make it really interesting, those who participate in the following events (contests perhaps?) should be young males, all amateurs, and preferably drunk. Here are a few ideas I came up with.....

Swim across the Sacramento River in January

A rattlesnake toss

Surfing on the hoods of automobiles as they cruise through town....the winner is the last one standing

Scale the steep rock wall at Salmon Hole without a rope....preferably in the winter when it's wet and slippery

High dive into a shallow plastic swimming pool

Russian roulette....five winners, one loser

Pull a pistol on a police officer who's just drank a ton of coffee....empty gun of course, don't want anyone to get hurt

Dash across the freeway at rush hour....blindfolded of course

Get naked, jump a fence, and try to outrun a junkyard dog

And my personal favorite....go to a rodeo in Red Bluff wearing pink hot pants and a T-shirt that says on the back "Cowboys are like flies, they eat crap and bother people"

Talk about "good video"! Their ratings would sky rocket! OK, so I'm having a little fun with KHSL. I watch them all the time and always will. But seriously, don't you think that video you ran was maybe a little thoughtless?

I love chick flicks. But then again, I love warm spring rains, walks on the beach, and cuddling puppies. I know, it sounds like a singles ad. But really, thank God for Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, and Sarah Jessica Parker because without them there would be no chick flicks. They have filled my life with hours of wondrous jolts of self realization, allowing me to walk a mile in "her" shoes, to understand the challenges and the mystery's of what it means to be "women". Thanks to women like these, I have come to realize what dumbasses we men folk really are.

I know, it sounds like I am saying that these movies portray all men to be bad, and that's just not true. There's always one good man in them. The rest of them are either psychopaths, neurotics, bullies, sexual predators, or just plain all around jerks. Usually there is a mixture of all these types. I always walk out of a chick flick totally ashamed that I am a man.

It's no wonder that when a man meets a new women, the first order of business is that he has to prove to the women that he is not dangerous. Next he has to prove that he is not a jerk. This usually takes about 20 years. Chick flicks did not create this situation for men, they merely expose us for what we really are....predatory, self absorbed, and horny....except for that one guy in every movie. Oh well, we can't all be Ryan Reynolds.

"But Joe, we all know that Hollywood exaggerates things, most of us men aren't really like that", you might say. Oh really? Is there one man among you who can honestly tell me that you don't think about either screwing, beating, or robbing every women you meet? At the least, don't you just want to take that strange lady home and have her cook something for you? Of course you do. It's who we are, it's what we do.

Want proof? Go to a movie today! Go see "It's Complicated", "Here Come The Morgans", "Leap Year", or any chick flick you can find on HBO or the Life Time channel. You'll see what I'm talking about. Lets take "Here Come The Morgans" for example. Here is some word for word dialogue from that movie....

Sarah Jessica Parker (meeting a new man in a bar)...."I left my boyfriend (always played by Hugh Grant or Ryan Reynolds). Oh sure he's cute, rich, and smart, but he wasn't seeing ME for who I am, you know, the real me."

Stranger in bar...."He must be stupid to not appreciate a lady like you! I would treat you like the queen that you are. Wanna go to my place and mess around?"

SJP...."You men are all alike, your all jerks!"

Stranger in bar...."What? What'd I say?"

At this point she throws her drink in his face and turns around to leave. The stranger in the bar snatches her purse and runs off with it. She jumps towards him but only manages to break a heel on one of her shoes. Hobbling out the door, she hails down a cab. She tells the cab driver she needs a ride but her purse just got stolen and she has no money. He smiles at her through his mid eastern close cropped beard and says, "That's ok American lady, we can work something out." To which she replies, "Oh you men, your all alike!" She then starts walking down the street on one high heel. Somehow her hair is all wet too and her make up is running but she looks really cute anyway. At this point the viewer is thinking, "She's really having a bad day. God damn men." When she finally makes it home Hugh Grant is waiting for her with his grandmothers antique wedding ring. He gets down on one knee and says to her in a stuttering and yet charming English accent as he gestures with his both hands, "If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would love to spend the rest of my life making up for the wrongs I have done you. I have taken you for granted. I promise from now on to see you for who you really are, and I will single handedly keep the house clean. Will you marry me darling, will you?" She stares at him quietly for several seconds, punishing him for being the man he is, before she responds with a joyous and resounding...."No!". Hugh Grant looks devastated as he keeps moving his hands in front of him like he's presenting something because that's what Hugh Grant does. After she feels he has suffered enough she says, "No....you will not do the house work alone. We'll do it together....and yes I'll marry you!" Then they kiss and stuff.

OK, maybe this wasn't from that particular movie, but I know I've seen it somewhere in some movie. I know that in real life we can't all be Hugh Grants. I also know that most men will never be able to make up for being born a man. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Isn't that what the chick flick is telling us? Isn't that the real message that men should be walking away with from these movies? The chick flick is not trying to tell us that all men are rapers, murderers, and thieves. Quite the opposite...it's just telling us that were not all Hugh Grant. I know that I may never be as good a man as Hugh Grant or Ryan Reynolds, but damn it, I can try. After all, I am a man. I owe, hell we all owe at least that much to woman. Feel her pain....apologize....apologize.....

And then go see "It's Complicated", "Leap Year", or "Here Come The Morgans"....there's some good guidance in all those movies.

I don't pay much attention to talk radio these days, at least not as much as I used to. I used to listen often because I thought that it helped me to understand all sides of an issue. But after years of hearing what these right wing radio jocks had to say about things, they started to become too predictable. When it got to the point that I could predict their position on every issue before they talked about it, there wasn't much reason to keep listening. I suppose the left does the same thing, they're just harder to find on the radio.

I do tune in from time to time just to see what the currant gripe is. One thing I still find with these folks is that they all complain about the same issues at the same time and they all do it using the exact same talking points and attack strategies. This is why I have always thought that they get their talking points from some central right wing authority. They have always claimed that this isn't true. I don't know, but it sure does appear that way.

The last few months when I tune in to Rush, Shaun, or Lars, besides the same predictable Obama and health care bashing, I keep hearing this idea that liberals are afraid of Sarah Palin. Both sides of the political isle have always attempted to define the motivations and fears of the other side. Sometimes they get it right and often they are way off base. Example....When the right wing kept pounding into our psyche that those who did not support George Bushes war against Iraq wanted America to loose the war and that they were not patriotic. They could not have been more wrong. On the other hand, when they speak of liberal politicians tendencies towards raising taxes or the fact that political correctness has gotten so ridiculous that it threatens to change history as well as keeping certain facts about issues muted, they make a good point.

All that being said, on this idea that liberals are afraid of Sarah Palin, I believe they are once again, dead wrong. I don't claim to speak for other liberals but I think what most of them would say about Sarah Palin is this....It's not Sarah Palin we are afraid of. It's the ability of the right wing to form a blind allegiance towards a bad idea. They have time and time again demonstrated their ability to stubbornly latch onto bad ideas when they are sold to them with the right amount of fervor and emotion. Sure they get some things right, but when they get something wrong, their stubbornness will not allow them to admit it, even when history proves them wrong. George W Bush, Richard Nixon, the Vietnam war, the Iraq war, lowering taxes to the rich to stimulate the economy (actually, this might work sometimes but it always leads to higher deficets and deeper debt which in the long run hurt the economy more than it helps. How about cutting taxes and cutting spending. Now there's an idea!), and corporate deregulation, just to name a few.

So when we on the left see so many on the right getting all worked up over an idea like Sarah Palin as our president, we get a little nervous because it is not the person but rather the image that is in the process of being sold to the right wing followers, and they are falling for it lock, stock, and barrel. Sarah Palin is not an idiot like I may have joked about in my last blog. In fact, I would say that Sarah Palin is quite average. I'm not saying that I would have done any better in interviews I have seen with her, but I can acknowledge that I am quite average would never claim to make a great leader. Didn't conservatives learn their lesson the last time they got a person of average intelligence to run our country?

Does a high intellect make for a great leader? No it does not, but it should be a basic requirement. I guess a bad jumper could be a good quarterback or a good basketball player, but that would be rare. All of this being said, I have to admit that I do not know the mind, the motivation, or the intellect of Sarah Palin. What I do know is that she has not said or done a thing to demonstrate that she would be good presidential material. She is a gifted speaker, she knows how to relate to common folks. I can understand how the right sees her as a breadth of fresh air. She says all of the right things, she knows how to push the "I'm fed up with politics as usual" buttons. She comes off much better than the older stiff white male politicians who are all beginning to look like used car salesmen. Hell, isn't that how Obama got elected?

Sarah Palin definitely has a place in the republican party. She can motivate and she can rally. Since so many of her followers trust her, she would be of great value in keeping republican leaders and candidates honest, kind of how Howard Dean does on the left. But presidential material? Hardly. She has time, maybe she will prove me wrong. I just hope that if she is to be the next republican candidate for president, it will be because she proved herself worthy and not because her image was sold to her party, an image based on a lie.

This fellow does a great commentation about Pat Robertson and his ignorance concerning Haiti.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59NCduEhkBM

The following is a transcript of the conversation between Fox News chief Roger Ailes and governor Sarah Palin last week when governor Palin auditioned for her new job at Fox news.

Roger Ailes....So Sarah, what is your interest in working here at Fox?

Sarah....Well Roger, first of all I have to tell you, this whole newsy thing isn't going to work for me if your gonna be hittin me with those "gotch-ya" type questions.

Roger....Fair enough Sarah. Then let me ask you this....Since you quit your job as governor before your term was over, how do I know you won't quit Fox News after a few months?

Sarah (quietly staring at Roger, almost as if she's thinking about something)....Well Roger, I'll just have to get back at ya on that one.

Roger....Your not giving me much to go on here Sarah. However, since it has always been our goal here at Fox News to remain fair and balanced, and since we are over represented on the left here with Alan Colmes, I think you will be a perfect addition to our line up.

Sarah....I'm not gonna have to talk to Alan Colmes am I? I can't deal with all those "Why'd you say this and what do ya mean by that" type of questions.

Roger....Don't worry about Alan. Were basically keeping him around to pour coffee and run errands. We'll make sure you don't run into him.

Sarah....So what will I be talking about, what will my job be?

Roger....Well, for example, you've got a lot of history dealing with the Russians. Didn't you say once that you saw one of their planes flying near Alaska? And how about that bridge to nowhere?

At this point Sarah interrupts Roger with a profound "And I said thanks but no thanks!" as she wagged her finger in the air.

Roger....That's right Sarah. That's the sort of thing we want you to do here. Just wink a lot and do that down home southern thing you do. You know....just go rogue, and be cute about it. Trust me, our viewers will love you.

Sarah....Well, I am cute and I am rogue. But Roger, I'm from Alaska, not the south.

Roger....I know, I've always been curious about that. So anyway, do we have a deal Sarah?

Sarah....It depends. How much will the job pay?

Roger...A gazillion dollars. Is that enough for you?

Sarah....Is that more than a million?

Roger....Yes it is.

Sarah....So I get to be all mavericky, won't have anybody asking me any questions, and I make a gazillion bucks?

Roger....You got it Sarah.

Sarah....What about The Simpsons and Family Guy? Do I get to do those shows too?

Roger....No Sarah, you will be a commentator for Fox News. Those cartoons are in a different division altogether. You will only be on Fox News.

Sarah....So Fox News is a cartoon?

Roger....Sarah, Fox News is a serious fair and balanced news program. You will be a news commentator.

Sarah....And just exactly what does a news commentator do?

Roger (shaking his head as he looks at the ground)....God help me. Sarah, you will comment on the news, any part of the news you want to comment on. Just be interesting. You can even make stuff up, we don't care about the facts here at Fox News. Look, all you have to do is talk, you don't even have to be interesting, just be cute. Is that easy enough for you?

Sarah....Roger, I'm gonna have to get back to ya on that one.

Roger (addressing a producer across the room)....Can you get me Tina Fey's agent?